About me
I look in the mirror
I see a girl, with her hair laying down her shoulders
With her eyes telling stories
And her smile showing the simplicity of her heart
I slowly start to stare at her even more
I want to know
What hides beneath her smile
And what stories her eyes try to narrate
So I talk to her, and ask her about herself
She looks right into my eyes and says,
I am DROWNING
In this land of judgement and expectations.
She says,
I carry myself around with this smile, to
show I care, to show I am welcoming
It shows the happiness of my soul, when it dances with joy
And sometimes helps me hide my
unbearable nights
My eyes are a tool
That lets me compare myself to others
That helps me see my flaws,
But this tool also sometimes,
Lets me see WHO I AM as a soul
And what makes me unique
This land never stops to bombard me
With hateful threats
But I try to be powerful
And sometimes I D i s a p p e a r
But sometimes this same ground
Gives me the flares to shine bright
And gives me the push to stand right
Then suddenly,
She takes a pause
Remembers the unfinished commitments,
And says
Yes! It’s time to go
I see a sparkle in her eyes
A sparkle of hope
With the promise of arrival
AND she leaves
I will be waiting to see her,
But for now
I hope she stays true to herself,
And I hope she modifies into a better self
https://www.google.com/search?biw=1517&bih=730&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=UyRyXOXPO5W6jwS2jbfIDQ&q=miroor+with+rose+reflections+&oq=miroor+with+rose+reflections+&gs_l=img.3…12389.19105..19461…0.0..1.201.4752.0j28j1……2….1..gws-wiz-img…..0..0i67j0j0i10i67j0i10j0i10i24._n9ItABChZ8#imgrc=6l2QUOybGsaNUM:
Dear Dikshitha
I love the symbolism that your integrated in you poem. The idea of having a conversation with yourself in a mirror is very dark/nostalgic and I love stuff like that. For improvements, I would suggest getting rid of the exclamation mark in the stanza, “Yes! It’s time to go” and replace it with either a comma or nothing. I thoroughly enjoyed this and look forward to reading more of your stuff.
Sincerely, Savannah
Dear Dikshitha,
This was a good post, it was packed with emotion, and full of thought. Many times while reading this I thought how one could think this way, and it helped bring a new perspective to life that has been pretty rare to me. The feeling of getting caught up and swept up in life to the point you can say that you were drowning, is a sad but interesting way to feel. It really felt like you were able to communicate this view fluently, and then to switch it over to that push of joy that can lead someone to put themselves back together, and get motivated to feel hope.It was an emotional journey to say the least, and was overall really well done.
That being said, nothing is perfect, and there were a few hiccups, like capitalization errors. However I do get that most times you overcapitalized a word was to create emphasis, and that was okay, but I don’t get why you capitalized the “d” in “Disappear” but not any other letters. There was another time you forgot to capitalize something, but a quick read through will fix most of the problems.
Other than that, this was an excellent piece, and was enjoyable to read. It would be interesting to know the rest of the story, and show what just that sparkle of hope can do, and I hope its reflected in your future writings.
-Jimmy
Dear Dikshita,
You wrote a lovely piece, and I was immediately intrigued to read about who you are in within a few lines of your poem. I deeply connected to your flaws and strengths and that bought a closer and deeper meaning into your piece. I liked your use with literary devices and especially with your use of the metaphor where you are looking into a mirror and seeing who you are as a person.
The only improvement I would focus on is reducing the amount of commas you included, especially in the first paragraph. Everything else was amazing.
Overall, you wrote a beautiful piece expressing who you are. I hope as you make future posts that you will be able to quickly improve with the advice given to you. I also hope to read more of them in the future.
Sincerely,
Mariam.
Wow Dikshita, I loved your poem. I loved how you wrote about yourself and elaborated using your ‘reflection’ . In the poem you seemed to be talking to yourself which I think was very creative and it felt very personal and made one feel nostalgic. Something that you can fix is substituting you vocabulary with more suitable words. Other than that I really liked reading your poem and I look forward to reading more of your work!